Charlie Harvey

Daily Mail story generator

Another? »
Daily Mail Headline/Logo

Now boffins have discovered that Jeremy Corbyn admirers can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Bernard Jenkin told me about it, I have been trying to cure injecting crack into primary school children with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out injecting crack into primary school children is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that injecting crack into primary school children is mostly caused by Jeremy Corbyn admirers, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing Jeremy Corbyn admirers to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "Read my lips; no new taxes".


Refresh/f5 for another daily mail story or maybe Tweet it.
This page uses the Daily Mail headline code by qwghlm. You’d probably like Dan and Dan’s Daily Mail song on youtube.